Tropical Detox Lite

As some of you may know I have felt like crap warmed over for the past nearly two years.  I had good days but more than my share of bad days.  On the bad days I drank more to mask the crappie feeling until it got to the point I could kill more than a liter of whiskey a day without batting an eye.  I started thinking, with the constant harassment of my significant other, that this could be over medication.

This led to an attempt to get into detox in our local tropical guidance clinic which is conveniently located within staggering distance of one of the more popular watering holes in town.  Getting into detox is not as easy as you might think.  It took twice a day phone calls for nearly a week and with each call I was reminded not to stop drinking until a bed was available.  Once I finally got the call to join the crew at the guidance clinic my significant other coached me on how drink responsibly so I would not exceed the maximum for admission.  So after four cocktails in an hour and a half I blew a respectable 0.128 right in the range for admission.

The detox clinic reminded me of a minimum security prison.  While I have never been incarcerated, nearly all of my fellow detoxese had been and one was kind enough to explain the difference to me.  In prison you get three hots and a cot.  In detox you get three snacks and a rack.  A subtle but significant difference.

I learned a very valuable lesson during this adventure.  When they ask you if you have any special dietary needs keep your mouth shut!  I mentioned that since I have high blood pressure, I tend to watch my salt.  This resulted in special meals with bland, or low salt written on the lid.  There appeared to be absolutely no difference between bland and low salt.  On most days this didn't make that much difference, since everything was pretty much bland but one morning they had real bacon on the menu.  I was stuck with some indiscernible tufu type imitation burger patty that tasted more like one of those Styrofoam looking puffed rice patties.  I don't tend to cry but I felt moisture coming out of my eyes as the last slice of bacon was consumed.

The special diet also meant I didn't get any salty snacks for lunch.  This really sucked because I do tend to enjoy salt snacks in moderation.  Another shock to my system was that alcoholics tend to crave sugar once they they go on the wagon.  With the exception of semi-sweet extra dark chocolate, I don't eat hardly any sweets and still have no craving for them.  With the menu I was offered, I ate a number of sugar cookies to have something that had some flavor pass my lips.  While I did experience some withdrawal shakes, the sugar rush accentuated them to the point I was given 30 mg of Valium.  I don't do drugs of any kind, other than my BP meds, so for the first day and a half I was pretty much a Zombie wrapped in something that is supposed to be a blanket shivering my butt off.

Speaking of my butt.  Detox can also be a rapid weight loss program if you mention you have special dietary needs.  My significant other mentioned that most of my butt disappeared during my stay.  Unfortunately it was my butt and not my ample gut that shrank.

As a heavy smoker, being limited to nine cigarettes per day on a roughly a two hour schedule was also a major shock.  On the whole though I passed and was released in the minimum time allowed for detox.  Not only that I also sold a guide trip to one of my detox fellows once he is calm enough to be discharged.  I will have more on this later.

No fishing reports this time because I have been out of the loop for the past few days.

Marathon in the Florida Keys should be your next fishing vacation destination. Join us for charter fishing, fishing guide trips or our fishing 101 so you can fish on your own with better success.

Tight lines,

Capt. Dallas

A Tropical Rehab Continued.

Well I am now detox worthy.  Rehab is another situation, but starting around 1:00 today I won't be able to wear a belt or anything I could use to off myself.  So for the next few days I won't be online which may be the more difficult thing to withdraw from.  Anyway, wish me luck.

Marathon in the Florida Keys should be your next fishing vacation destination. Join us for charter fishing, fishing guide trips or our fishing 101 so you can fish on your own with better success.

Tight lines,

Capt. Dallas

A Tropical Rehab?

My significant other has been on the wagon for nearly four years now.  I am pretty proud that she has been sober because trust me she couldn't drink.  I on the other hand am an accomplished drinker. Other than an incident where I drank tequila in Missouri and ended up butt naked in Kansas, I have little to regret from drinking.  Well, there was the time I woke up and noticed that the pants I was wearing zipped up on the side and not the front.  While I don't have a clear memory of the evening I am pretty sure I had a good time.

Now the point of this post is that yesterday I really tied one on.  It was Sunday, the PGA championship was on the tube and I wasn't working.  So I really over served myself.  Very similar to the time I woke up with pants that zipped up the side than up front, I am pretty sure that I had a good time only this time there were no pants to be found.

Since my significant other has seen the light and quit drinking, she thinks that I should go to rehab.  Since I don't have a hell of a lot going on and have never been to rehab, I said what the hell I'll do it.  Now getting into rehab in this tropical paradise is not as easy as you might think.  I have nearly depleted my cell phone battery on hold and will have to call back the next hour to find out if I am indeed worthy of rehabilitation.   Since I am not a druggie but a perceived alcoholic, in order to get admitted I have to have a measurable blood alcohol level greater than zero and less than 0.20.  So the lady on the phone told me to not stop drinking.  I follow instructions well so the party continues.  

About three years ago I wrote an article about having a tropical rehab.   This was back when I wore underwear and Brittney Spears did not.  Now I don't wear underwear and I think Brittney does.  That is beside the point, but back then the guidance clinic had eight beds for people that needed to be rehabilitated.   Now they only have three beds so I am on a waiting list and required to to continue drinking in order to qualify for admittance.  What a wonderful world we live in.  While I tend to avoid political opinions, I think that this is a gross neglect by our local politicians.  If a drunk or drug addict wants to get their crap together, our society should be willing to help them out.  However, stating that a drunk or drug addict should not stop drinking or doing drugs while they are on a waiting list for local rehabilitation seems a bit oxymoronic  to me.  Spell check says oxymoronic is not a real word but I think you will get my drift, (you know, jumbo shrimp, military intelligence).

So this is just to keep you all updated on what is going on down here.  Now I have to wait until 12:00 to make another call and have another cocktail.  Hey! it is a tough job but someone has to do it.

Marathon in the Florida Keys should be your next fishing vacation destination. Join us for charter fishing, fishing guide trips or our fishing 101 so you can fish on your own with better success.

Tight lines,

Capt. Dallas

The Rains Have Stopped!

Took a hangover day to deal with my BP claim and do some laundry.  It is a beautiful day and I noticed that a good number of charters are on the water today.  I really wasn't going to post anything today but, I had a chat with a sports writer this morning.  On the whole I don't care much for sports writers because they never want to pay and promise that they will make you famous.  After being in Bass Masters, a couple of other magazines and a bunch of papers, I ain't famous and I am out a couple grand in fuel, bait and other costs.  I have to admit that one sports writer not only paid for the trip but tipped me as well.  He wrote for the long Island fisherman magazine, so they be good folks.

Anywho, the sports writer took a look at my blog and made some notes.  While showing him my blog I saw the Bahia Honda bridge cam link.  You should check it out even if it is not cold as a witch's bosom in a brass bodice up in the north country.  There are still lots of tarpon and snook at the bridge.

As far as the BP claim goes I only have five days that I know of that I lost due to fear of oil.  There are probably more more but no one has stepped up to the plate and said so.  The one claim I have is from a French Canadian that speaks okay English, he just can't write it worth a damn.  So I will see how well the BP guys can read between the lines.  The claim is only for about a grand but that is a lot of cash to me right now.

A lot of other guides and charters down here are not filing claims because their lawyers are waiting on a class action suit.  I think that is a bad move since BP has made a big deal out of separating things out county by county.  The only impact Monroe County has had is media hype causing cancellations.

ETA: While typing this in at the Brass Monkey while I was waiting on  my laundry to dry every one wanted to watch the teens4oceans.org bridge cam.  You should check it out around slack tide..

Marathon in the Florida Keys should be your next fishing vacation destination. Join us for charter fishing, fishing guide trips or our fishing 101 so you can fish on your own with better success.

Tight lines,
Capt. Dallas

Rainy Day

It is a rainy day today so time for me to post up a little something about the fishing down here.  The main bite is still the snapper.  During the night bite the Mangroves are mainly caught on live pin fish or pin fish chunks.  The day bite has move to live ballyhoo back in the slick on a jig or knocker rig.  Three pounds is about the average size of the Mangroves.

The mutton bite seems to be slowing down a bit, but some nice fat fish are still hitting the dock.  Btw, while dropping for lanes and Muttons last week Joe boated a white Margate the when about 10 pounds.  Now that is one big Grunt!  During their trip Joe, Jordan and Grant boat some nice fish including a couple keeper red grouper, several 20 inch Lane snapper, some Mangroves in the 18 to 20 inch range and a few good size Cero mackerel.  Overall it was a slow trip for this crew.

Offshore is still spotty.  Some good catches and some long boat rides.  The flats guys seem to be doing well and there are still plenty of tarpon around.  Have not heard any bone fish or permit reports.

Marathon in the Florida Keys should be your next fishing vacation destination. Join us for charter fishing, fishing guide trips or our fishing 101 so you can fish on your own with better success.

Tight lines,

Capt. Dallas

Mini Season is Over!

Now that the Florida lobster mini season is over the real fishermen are starting to show up to take advantage of the off season rates and the fine fishing.  The offshore bite has picked up but is still a little spotty.  The majority of the bigger fish were caught 17 to 22 mile south two weeks ago, but now it is mainly floaters, floating debris, that is holding the dolphin any where from just off the reef to however far you care to run.

The night snapper bite is still hot but the spawn is drawing to a close so the daytime bite is picking up.  With the moon waning it will keep getting better.  The big Muttons will start spreading out and if everything is normal you should start seeing more on the rock piles in Hawk Channel and their other non-spawn spots.

For you fly guys this is the perfect time of the year to target all those sexy, glossy magazine cover fish.  Tarpon, Bonefish and Permit are around the flats and will take a fly along with a variety of other critters.  The tarpon this time of year tend to be smaller resident fish, but are still pretty sexy for you guys that don't have them swimming in your back yard.

The real bug season opens the second week of August with the commercial guys throwing their traps in the water starting today.  Watch out for the fresh traps as the can have a lot of floating line around the buoys until they get grassed up.

As usual I am some where giving free advice to those looking for free advice.  Normally I am at Porky's Bay Side.  Now I always give advice out for free, still sometimes the advice gets better should the advised bring along a bottle of Scotch. The better the Scotch the better the advice.

Marathon in the Florida Keys should be your next fishing vacation destination. Join us for charter fishing, fishing guide trips or our fishing 101 so you can fish on your own with better success in our oil free waters.

Tight lines,

Capt. Dallas