Monday, August 16, 2010

A Tropical Rehab?

My significant other has been on the wagon for nearly four years now.  I am pretty proud that she has been sober because trust me she couldn't drink.  I on the other hand am an accomplished drinker. Other than an incident where I drank tequila in Missouri and ended up butt naked in Kansas, I have little to regret from drinking.  Well, there was the time I woke up and noticed that the pants I was wearing zipped up on the side and not the front.  While I don't have a clear memory of the evening I am pretty sure I had a good time.

Now the point of this post is that yesterday I really tied one on.  It was Sunday, the PGA championship was on the tube and I wasn't working.  So I really over served myself.  Very similar to the time I woke up with pants that zipped up the side than up front, I am pretty sure that I had a good time only this time there were no pants to be found.

Since my significant other has seen the light and quit drinking, she thinks that I should go to rehab.  Since I don't have a hell of a lot going on and have never been to rehab, I said what the hell I'll do it.  Now getting into rehab in this tropical paradise is not as easy as you might think.  I have nearly depleted my cell phone battery on hold and will have to call back the next hour to find out if I am indeed worthy of rehabilitation.   Since I am not a druggie but a perceived alcoholic, in order to get admitted I have to have a measurable blood alcohol level greater than zero and less than 0.20.  So the lady on the phone told me to not stop drinking.  I follow instructions well so the party continues.  

About three years ago I wrote an article about having a tropical rehab.   This was back when I wore underwear and Brittney Spears did not.  Now I don't wear underwear and I think Brittney does.  That is beside the point, but back then the guidance clinic had eight beds for people that needed to be rehabilitated.   Now they only have three beds so I am on a waiting list and required to to continue drinking in order to qualify for admittance.  What a wonderful world we live in.  While I tend to avoid political opinions, I think that this is a gross neglect by our local politicians.  If a drunk or drug addict wants to get their crap together, our society should be willing to help them out.  However, stating that a drunk or drug addict should not stop drinking or doing drugs while they are on a waiting list for local rehabilitation seems a bit oxymoronic  to me.  Spell check says oxymoronic is not a real word but I think you will get my drift, (you know, jumbo shrimp, military intelligence).

So this is just to keep you all updated on what is going on down here.  Now I have to wait until 12:00 to make another call and have another cocktail.  Hey! it is a tough job but someone has to do it.

Marathon in the Florida Keys should be your next fishing vacation destination. Join us for charter fishing, fishing guide trips or our fishing 101 so you can fish on your own with better success.

Tight lines,

Capt. Dallas

1 comment:

  1. Yep. Someone has to do it. I'm glad it's not me. I stopped without any help. I'm too cheap to pay someone to rehabilitate me.